I want to tell you about my NDE. Almost two years ago today, I tried to kill myself. After countless failed relationships, no job, or future, I was all alone and had an anxiety attack. I swallowed a handful of my depression medication. At the time, I was thinking "I really do want to die," but after about an hour or so and calmed down, I thought, "What did I just do?" but it was too late. I started to feel tired and decided that if I went to sleep, either God would take me if he wanted me, or I would wake up like nothing happened. It didn't matter, either way, to me.
I must have slept for about an hour or two, but I'm not sure. That night seemed like it lasted forever. I woke up feeling extremely dizzy. I tried to get up to go to the bathroom, although I wasn't really sure what was going on, and I couldn't even stand up. Eventually, I collapsed on the floor and was able to somehow get back into my bed. I passed back out and this is when my NDE started. All of a sudden, I could hear my heartbeat, and it was very loud, almost like it was coming from my head. It's hard to explain.
I remember having short flashes where I could actually see my heart beating. It seemed like I was seeing and hearing this for a long time. Then the heartbeat sound slowed down, to almost nothing and I remember thinking "If I'm going to die, I might as well help the process along," and I was able to control my breathing, until it stopped. Then a feeling came over me, like I was sinking down into a blackness. There was a loud ringing in my head, and the lower I sank down into the darkness, the louder the ringing got. But it wasn't annoying to me, it was very peaceful. But every time the ringing got loud, I would take a few breaths, hear my heartbeat, and be back in my body. Eventually, I believe I stopped breathing for about five minutes (I had no sense of time, this is just a guess). I sank into the darkness, into the ringing in my head, and then it went away.
It was almost like I was floating in a completely black room, not flying really, but floating, or hovering. I looked into the bottom left of the darkness, and I saw light. It seemed to be a tunnel, with clouds floating around the rim on the tunnel. It was very comforting. I only saw this for a second or two, but I will never forget it. It may have scared me, because after I saw the tunnel, I was back in my body. I was breathing and could hear my heartbeat, and it gradually became regular. Maybe, I fell back asleep, as I can't remember much after that.
I woke up the next morning, and I still couldn't walk. I was only slightly coherent, almost as if I was completely drunk. Then, I crawled to the bathroom and crawled into the living room, where my roommate was. Getting up on the couch, I told him I didn't feel good and needed to vomit. After vomiting quite a bit, I started to fall asleep on the couch. Each time I closed my eyes and started to drift off, I could feel and hear my heartbeat slow once again, and I could feel myself stop breathing. I did this a few times, until I told my roommate, "When I fall asleep, I stop breathing. Please take me to the hospital."
When I came to the hospital, I was hooked up to a monitor in the emergency room. They decided not to pump my stomach, because I had already vomited. They told my mom that if the monitor starting ringing, it was because I had stopped breathing. I never told the doctors or nurses that I believed I had died, but that I was feeling sick from all the medication.
While lying on the hospital bed, the monitor went off two times, signaling my caretakers that I had stopped breathing. After that, I got better. Every day I started to feel better. My experience gave me a whole new perspective on life, as if God, himself, sent me back into my body, because I had more work to do. After my experience, I got pregnant and unfortunately my precious baby girl passed away from an intestinal infection when she was only 29 days old. I told myself that no matter what, I would LIVE for her! I would do what she was never able to.
I don't know how I have made it this far, but life is so much better on this side!